Today, I received a call from my doctor, telling me I have a deviated septum and thats why I have been on the receiving end of a barrage of sinus infections. Due to having fibromyalgia (short definition Im in pain everyday; long definition click here lazy ass), I have to get MRIs regularly so my doctors can check out my joints, muscles and other stuff that I dont really understand or care about because bottom line, I still hurt every damn day.
Anyway, a combination of poor bone structure and breaking my nose 22 times while I was in high school (yes, even as a thin teen I was kluzty and accident prone), caused my septum to veer off course. It began smoking and abusing over the counter cough syrup, told its parents to shove MIT he was joining a motorcycle gang and would backpack across Europe.
My doctor suggested putting it in some kind of Christian reprogramming camp, I believe the medical term is “septoplasty”. Being a big ol wuss I am avoiding surgery like the plague or those little demon girls selling thin mints outside of Randalls.
My doctor assures me that I wont look as plastic as Ashlee Simpson after the surgery, but Im not sure I can trust a man who always matches his tie with his socks.
And in before you assholes tell me “ASHLEE IS GORGE-OUS!!!!” I never said she was ugly, I said she looked plastic and frankly unnatural. Call me crazy but I find the beauty in the flaws.
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